I was gone for a year overseas when my National Guard unit deployed. about three months after I came back I found out my wife had slept with another guy one time, but talked to him frequently before they hooked up. I believe what she says, and she has been open to my questions. It is still hard for me to believe, because I talked her up while I was away thinking to myself she would never do something like that, and told other guys I didn't have to worry. I just can't seem to get over it, even though I was unfaithful for a night myself before I found out about her. She knows what I did, but seems to have moved on better from it than me. I understand a year is a long time, and I believe she regrets it all, but at the same time I can't let it all go. I try to wonder if the role had been reversed if I would have done the same... since she claimed that she was emotionally lonely with me being gone, and would have never done such a thing if I wouldn't have left. Should I believe that and be more understanding?
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My wife cheated while I was deployed... should I be more understanding?
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if u love her, than u should find it somewhere inside to forgive her. i doubt if she would have done it had u been there, there are so many different ways to think about it when someone cheats, but since she's not trying to cover it up, or blame it all on u i would at least listen to her, get some christian counseling, and try to stay in the marriage and work it out. forgiveness frees u from your pain, so its good to try to forgive.if u cheated on her too then if she forgives u, u should forgive her. sounds as if u should at least give it a shot.
I am a military spouse and I would NEVER think of cheating on my husband! My husband is currently deployed. Lately him and I haven't been getting along very well. But, no matter what is said and done I could never cheat on him. I love him too much. I couldn't cheat on him while he was stateside, let alone deployed. All military spouses are emotionally lonely and that shouldn't be her excuse. There's plenty of us who are "emotionally lonely" and still remain faithful. Lately I haven't been feeling too loved and I feel like our relationship is failing because of some of the things he says and how he's always grumpy. But I know that he is under stress over there. The wives hold the fort down when you guys are gone. No matter how lonely we are or how sexually deprived we are, cheating is not the answer. Loving you and staying faithful are what comes along with the job of a military spouse and if some people don't want to except that, that shouldn't marry a military man. The wives have to do what it takes to make our marriage survive. I would say leave her, but you mentioned you have cheated on her too. 2 wrongs don't make a right but I think the best thing for you guys to do is work out your differences. You both have lost trust in one another and it will take time to gain that back.
For one, it isn't that uncommon for such things to happen with military members. As for what to do, that ultimately is up to you. To help though, think about a few things. First off, how did you find out? Did she end up just telling you, or did you start to suspect something so she told you, or did you actually find out from another source/heard it yourself? If she ended up telling you on her own accord, well that's a good sign for your relationship (typically at least). Secondly, I may be wrong but it seems you want to stay with her. Sure, it may take some time to get over it, but don't let that drag you down too much. Especially if the incident has been a one time deal. Now if she continues to cheat, that is when you should be less understanding and either go for a divorce or at least look into couples therapy.
Wow! Both of you have cheated? That's NOT a good sign and a sure way to know that there will be trust issues from one of you... funny that its you, since you cheated first. Maybe it really bothered her and she just wanted to get you back? Strange that she was talking to the other guy for a while though... sounds like emotionally and physically cheating to me? I guess if you can forgive eachother, stay married. Lots of ppl cheat in a marriage but most people are not open about it! Maybe you guys can become swingers....lol, J/K. Good luck and she knew you were in the service when u met her?? She should have known that you could have long deployment times and been able to keep her legs closed...hahaha. but, you did the same too so.... weird! I would not stay with anyone knowing that they had cheated, a one night stand is different but she was carrying on with this guy.
Ask yourself this question. Was your marriage good before deployment? Be honest with yourself.
Now ask yourself if it was good enough to try saving it? If you have kids then you have to try. If not then you really need to think about it hard.
Having a partner is the military is hard and when they are deployed in an active zone, fear and dread are the closest companions they have. Try and understand that her fear may have prompted her to seek some comfort in the arms of someone else. I am not excusing her actions Just explaining what might have caused them.
You had the stress of combat to deal with she had the stress of hoping no one would knock on her door to tell her you were dead.
This story is as old as war is it self. The wives who stay behind often hurt more then anyone knows.
You cheated she cheated and now its part of your lives. Doesn't have to ruin it but it can and will put a dent in it for a while no matter what you decide to do.
Sir, try and forgive and forget. But if you can't then part on good terms and move on with hope.
This is an individual decision. Each of you has betrayed the other. What is important are the reasons for your cheating and your wife's. If yours is because of a much needed physical release, then chances are you will not remain celibate for an entire year away from your wife. The same is true of your wife if that is her reasoning with regard to her behavior. if you two want to save your marriage you need to talk out the reasons why this happened and how to avoids those pit falls.
Talk intimately and frequently to one another, there are some things you two can do with a phone or computer..
no do not.you were deployed and doing your job and her nasty a$$ should have kept her legs closed and stayed faithful to her husband and vows.my guy was gone 13 months next month when he gets home.and only 18 days of r and r.i have and never will cheat on him.real love from the heart nad soul wouldnt let u run into the arms of another person when you are married.you doesnt love and care for you for real otherwise she wouldnt have staryed i dont care what the issue she had while u were gone.divorce her.once a cheater always one.my hubby tells me so many stories of people cheating on there and spouses cheating back in the states it just so crazy that people do that while their partner is gone.i dont have the heart to hurt my husband or break my vows.the love is too strong and real to do that.your wife needs to see what she did was wrong and show her be leaving her.dont let her take advantage of a good man like that
God bless!!
How many times are you going to post this same question and reword it to make you sound more the victim. Either forgive her or don't, it's just that simple. Since she was the more honorable and confessed to you when she really didn't have to, If you kick her to the curb, there are a lot of guys who will appreciate her owning up to this and admitting her guilt. They will take a chance to have such a woman. Forgive her and consider yourself Lucky.
Mine didn't go as well as that.
You should NOT be more understanding. These kinds of experiences sicken me.
She knew what she was getting into when she married someone who is in the service. Soldiers get deployed. Its a fact of military life. It is not your fault.
She never should have cheated. I'm disgusted that she did and you should be too. But, that's just my opinion. You can choose what to do, but I wouldn't be more understanding if it was me in that situation.
Thank you for your service to our country.
Good luck.
Jeez oh Pete - now I read the part where you cheated too. If you did too, then you both are stupid. I guess you should be more understanding since you cheated on her as well. Whatever. Do what you guys want. I just don't understand cheating on someone you supposedly "love".
Hi I'm kind of In the same situation,my husband Is deployed and has told me he cheated,and I forgave him.I love him and I want our marriage and our family.I thought I couldn't get over It but I just prayed about It.He says hes not going to do It anymore.All I can do now Is trust his word.You said that you too also had a one night stand,If you two love each other and wamt your marriage to work,then you should forgive her and move on.It's hard I know.It shouldn't happen again though.If shes open to all your questions,then I say try.
Good Luck!